There have historically been two guarantees in life:
More explicitly from Benjamin Franklin, who apparently stole it from Daniel Defoe (but that conclusion is based on zero confirmation web search, I just went with what I first found because I’m lazy)
“‘In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”
I would like to add another. If you have a rug cleaned, the very same evening you reinstall it in your living room, one of these two animals is going to puke on it.
Also it helps if you feed one of them bacon grease the night before despite the objections of your wife.