Small Town Police Work – It Ain’t All Glamour

You might think that working on the police force of a small town is all CSI and SWAT. You bust the criminal (we call him the perp), and after slamming him against the hood of the car and booking him you head to the local watering hole for a few cold ones. If your small … Continue reading Small Town Police Work – It Ain’t All Glamour

My Christmas Failures and the 2009 Holiday Letter

I failed at a few things this Holiday season, including: Actually posting all of the historic Holiday Letters before Christmas. Assembling various children's gifts without swearing or drinking. Not calling an allen wrench 'you know, that weird hex wrench thing'. Actually having the right size allen wrench. Hey Schwinn, next time don't be assholes and include … Continue reading My Christmas Failures and the 2009 Holiday Letter

Brooks Post Year Re-cap Letter – 2008

At this point we're just going to run out of time before December 25, but on the upside we haven't sent our 2013 letters yet, so get used to disappointment. For those just checking in, 2005, 2006, and 2007 are available. I am noticing the problem with putting these all together is some thematic consistency … Continue reading Brooks Post Year Re-cap Letter – 2008

Holiday Letter 2007

We've only got 9 days to get through the rest of these, so they're coming fast and furious now. If you haven't read 2005 or 2006, do so. Or don't. Like I care. Holiday Letter 2007 Dear Friends, Family, Loved Ones, People We Cherish, People We Don’t Mind, and Sister Penny, If there is one word … Continue reading Holiday Letter 2007

Holiday Letter 2006 – The one where I call Erin fat…

For those of you who didn't get the back story, read the origin tale here. Without wasting more of your precious eyeball energy, here is the 2006 letter. It is unedited, which is to my shame. It is also inclusive of the phrase 'puppy-mouse', which is to my pride. You'll have to do without the … Continue reading Holiday Letter 2006 – The one where I call Erin fat…

Holiday Letters Suck. How Ours Started.

A strange thing happens sometime between when you get married, have a kid, or turn 30. That strange thing is friends, family members, co-workers, the guy who picks up your trash and occasionally Barack Obama feel the need to send you a Holiday card. (Here’s a freebie for my more conservative friends…..you can modify the … Continue reading Holiday Letters Suck. How Ours Started.

My Disappointing Life – Thanks to Pottery Barn

It’s the time of year when Pottery Barn goes out of their way to make me feel bad about my life. All it takes is a little time on the can flipping through their holiday catalogue to remind me how much of a disappointment I am to my wife, children, parents, America and any number … Continue reading My Disappointing Life – Thanks to Pottery Barn

Why don’t I ever get invited to the Swingers’ Club?

While I will admit to wearing a toga at a few parties, around the house on a Saturday, and occasionally while shopping for jellies and chutneys, I acknowledge that I am no Grecian beauty. This was made abundantly clear to me one day while I was standing with a friend on a street and a … Continue reading Why don’t I ever get invited to the Swingers’ Club?

How United Airlines – and Not God – Taught Me to be Patient

There are few stories that begin with 'so I was at Chicago O'Hare Airport...' that don't end with '....I was so angry I wanted to punch a baby.' But this one is a story of transcendence thanks to the wonderful work of United Airlines. One of my favorite quotes from the movie Evan Almighty, is … Continue reading How United Airlines – and Not God – Taught Me to be Patient