We’ve only got 9 days to get through the rest of these, so they’re coming fast and furious now. If you haven’t read 2005 or 2006, do so. Or don’t. Like I care.
Holiday Letter 2007
Dear Friends, Family, Loved Ones, People We Cherish, People We Don’t Mind, and Sister Penny,
If there is one word to describe 2007 for our family, it would be ‘uneventful’. If there are two words they would be ‘creamed corn.’ We’re admitting it up front so you don’t feel bad for throwing this letter in the trash without reading another line.
I suppose we did have a few highlights. I swam from Alcatraz across the San Francisco Bay and jumped off the SkyTower in Auckland, New Zealand. Erin starting teaching kick-boxing and managed to further emasculate me as head of the household. Calvin started (and subsequently stopped) the process of potty-training. Oh yeah, and Harper was born. I think in February.
To get a feeling for how my year went, here is an excerpt from a Washington, DC work trip in April:
Andrew (in front of 10 co-workers): “My wife is a terrible driver. She could never park her Ford Explorer underground when we lived in Washington, DC because she always smashed the fenders.”
Fast forward 3 hours…..
CEO of My Company: “My car is parked in the parking garage. Can someone move it for me?”
Andrew: “I’ll do it.”
Universal Karma: “You’re screwed…..”
Even better, it actually wasn’t my CEO’s car, but his wife’s brand new Lexus SUV. In business speak we call that ‘climbing the corporate ladder.’
Calvin turned 3 and started soccer this year through the YMCA. We’ve had 1 game thus far complete with orange slices, juice boxes, and the subtle whisper of suburban desperation. I wish I could say Calvin scored the winning goal, but it would be somewhat more (read: entirely) accurate to say he started sobbing 5 minutes before game time and refused to look at his coach, the field or the ball. Making Daddy proud already….
Speaking of parenting disappointments, Harper did not walk sooner than cousin Lola, which is the entire reason we went and had a second child. I guess I have to go and see the Dr. to find out what the real definition of ‘reversible surgery’ is.
Some of you might be wondering why we named our daughter Harper, and some of you might think about minding your own business. If you must know, it’s a family name. Just not our family. Which is a good thing or Harper would be named Raymond.
We dragged the entire family across country multiple times this year, including a trip to Cincinnati for my sister’s wedding. It was there I discovered that Ohio State fans are insufferable. I also discovered that, after a few cocktails, I too am insufferable. Apparently a rented tuxedo is not ‘appropriate clothing’ for the water slide at the hotel pool.
One last thing. We think the house down the street is a Meth Lab. Awesome.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,
Calvin, Harper, Erin & Andrew
And He Says 
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