What a year. From running a marathon on Antarctica to running around the hospital as Erin used cancer to fake her way to insurance paying for a boob job (eat that United Healthcare!), we’ve been full throttle. Work. Kid’s activities. Except I wasn’t really working. And our kids aren’t in that many activities. So the … Continue reading 2018 Holiday Letter – Boobs and All
I failed at a few things this Holiday season, including: Actually posting all of the historic Holiday Letters before Christmas. Assembling various children's gifts without swearing or drinking. Not calling an allen wrench 'you know, that weird hex wrench thing'. Actually having the right size allen wrench. Hey Schwinn, next time don't be assholes and include … Continue reading My Christmas Failures and the 2009 Holiday Letter
We've only got 9 days to get through the rest of these, so they're coming fast and furious now. If you haven't read 2005 or 2006, do so. Or don't. Like I care. Holiday Letter 2007 Dear Friends, Family, Loved Ones, People We Cherish, People We Don’t Mind, and Sister Penny, If there is one word … Continue reading Holiday Letter 2007
A strange thing happens sometime between when you get married, have a kid, or turn 30. That strange thing is friends, family members, co-workers, the guy who picks up your trash and occasionally Barack Obama feel the need to send you a Holiday card. (Here’s a freebie for my more conservative friends…..you can modify the … Continue reading Holiday Letters Suck. How Ours Started.
Hi. You’ll enjoy this, so please read on. Check out these pictures of a hike I took with my kids today. The only reason I am publishing them in such a public forum is my clear desire to demonstrate how amazing a parent I am, and in so doing make you feel like a lesser … Continue reading This post is to make you feel like a bad parent and through that to make myself feel like a better parent. I hope it works.
It's not like I didn't test them BEFORE putting them on the tree. I did. I tested. I plugged them in and looked at them. They were all cute and bright and twinkly and f*cking working. Then I got on a step-ladder and placed them while needles poked my crotch and sap fell on my … Continue reading The Universe Hates Me and I Know Why
It’s the time of year when Pottery Barn goes out of their way to make me feel bad about my life. All it takes is a little time on the can flipping through their holiday catalogue to remind me how much of a disappointment I am to my wife, children, parents, America and any number … Continue reading My Disappointing Life – Thanks to Pottery Barn