Hi. You’ll enjoy this, so please read on. Check out these pictures of a hike I took with my kids today. The only reason I am publishing them in such a public forum is my clear desire to demonstrate how amazing a parent I am, and in so doing make you feel like a lesser parent because you spent the day nursing a hangover on your couch.
Seriously, look at how both my children clearly love each other, get along perfectly, and share healthy activities like stacking rocks. I bet your kids fight like two badgers and an ostrich drunk on tequila. I bet they spent their day glued to their iPads and downloading porn spyware.
Let’s be honest, the only people who have any reason or desire to see these pictures are my kids’ grandparents. Really their grandmothers. Maybe their cousins. Grandpa couldn’t really give a shit. I could just as easily have texted or emailed these photos to that limited list of people who care. I posted them here solely for the schadenfreude of making you feel worse. That’s it. Your sigh of personal disappointment is my blessed reward.
In fact, yesterday’s post showing my failed Christmas Tree lights was actually just another way of making you feel bad because you haven’t gotten your tree yet and I clearly have.
Anyway, thanks for reading and reacting like I know you did. I’ll be sure to share pictures of my amazing Caribbean vacation soon and an update on the marathon I’ll be running. Enjoy your sunless, pale, fat winter. Toodles.