I failed at a few things this Holiday season, including: Actually posting all of the historic Holiday Letters before Christmas. Assembling various children's gifts without swearing or drinking. Not calling an allen wrench 'you know, that weird hex wrench thing'. Actually having the right size allen wrench. Hey Schwinn, next time don't be assholes and include … Continue reading My Christmas Failures and the 2009 Holiday Letter
At this point we're just going to run out of time before December 25, but on the upside we haven't sent our 2013 letters yet, so get used to disappointment. For those just checking in, 2005, 2006, and 2007 are available. I am noticing the problem with putting these all together is some thematic consistency … Continue reading Brooks Post Year Re-cap Letter – 2008
We've only got 9 days to get through the rest of these, so they're coming fast and furious now. If you haven't read 2005 or 2006, do so. Or don't. Like I care. Holiday Letter 2007 Dear Friends, Family, Loved Ones, People We Cherish, People We Don’t Mind, and Sister Penny, If there is one word … Continue reading Holiday Letter 2007
For those of you who didn't get the back story, read the origin tale here. Without wasting more of your precious eyeball energy, here is the 2006 letter. It is unedited, which is to my shame. It is also inclusive of the phrase 'puppy-mouse', which is to my pride. You'll have to do without the … Continue reading Holiday Letter 2006 – The one where I call Erin fat…
A strange thing happens sometime between when you get married, have a kid, or turn 30. That strange thing is friends, family members, co-workers, the guy who picks up your trash and occasionally Barack Obama feel the need to send you a Holiday card. (Here’s a freebie for my more conservative friends…..you can modify the … Continue reading Holiday Letters Suck. How Ours Started.
Hi. You’ll enjoy this, so please read on. Check out these pictures of a hike I took with my kids today. The only reason I am publishing them in such a public forum is my clear desire to demonstrate how amazing a parent I am, and in so doing make you feel like a lesser … Continue reading This post is to make you feel like a bad parent and through that to make myself feel like a better parent. I hope it works.
It's not like I didn't test them BEFORE putting them on the tree. I did. I tested. I plugged them in and looked at them. They were all cute and bright and twinkly and f*cking working. Then I got on a step-ladder and placed them while needles poked my crotch and sap fell on my … Continue reading The Universe Hates Me and I Know Why
It’s the time of year when Pottery Barn goes out of their way to make me feel bad about my life. All it takes is a little time on the can flipping through their holiday catalogue to remind me how much of a disappointment I am to my wife, children, parents, America and any number … Continue reading My Disappointing Life – Thanks to Pottery Barn
All Hallows' Eve is just around the corner, so I’m looking forward to the time-honored traditions of under-performing on my decorations, burning the pumpkin seeds I so desperately want to come out perfect, and stealing candy from my children. Over the years I’ve learned a few important life lessons from Halloween, including: If you’re not … Continue reading Life Lessons from Halloween