I know anyone living paycheck to paycheck can't possibly contemplate this, but I've always wondered, given a year off work, what I'd do with it. Besides day drink and roam about town in ripped shorts and children's sunglasses. I have a small face....leave me alone. For instance, I have a buddy right now who got … Continue reading The Perfect Year
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I can do anything….except
I've got a pretty good resume going. I graduated from an Ivy League school with a degree in chemistry. And I don't mean Cornell. I trained for and finished an Ironman triathlon the week before my 40th birthday. Here I am crossing the finish line well in front of that jacked dude in the blue … Continue reading I can do anything….except
Small Town Police Work – It Ain’t All Glamour
You might think that working on the police force of a small town is all CSI and SWAT. You bust the criminal (we call him the perp), and after slamming him against the hood of the car and booking him you head to the local watering hole for a few cold ones. If your small … Continue reading Small Town Police Work – It Ain’t All Glamour
The Horror of Perception
I was reading Brian Greene’s The Elegant Universe last night…. You know, before we go on let’s spend a little time there. That book is about string theory, so in the first sentence of this post I’m pretty much laying it out there that I’m a better person than you are. While you get drunk … Continue reading The Horror of Perception
I got ‘Asshole’, how about you?
Lately, my Facebook feed has been overrun with postings about people completing surveys to determine what state of the union, what Golden Girl, or what 80s band they are. I got ‘Dorothy’, how about you? So I decided to add my own survey to the mix so, in addition to knowing you most closely match … Continue reading I got ‘Asshole’, how about you?
Nothing makes me want a sandwich more…
...than thinking about why the lobster I will be eating in my sub roll is also part octopus or maybe giant squid or perhaps a kraken. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SqC_m3yUDU I imagine this is a lobster from near Fukushima. WTF D'Angelo?
Another Guarantee in Life
There have historically been two guarantees in life: 1) Death 2) Taxes More explicitly from Benjamin Franklin, who apparently stole it from Daniel Defoe (but that conclusion is based on zero confirmation web search, I just went with what I first found because I'm lazy) "'In this world nothing can be said to be certain, … Continue reading Another Guarantee in Life
The pain and heartache of being a celebrity
Being a celebrity isn't easy. You have no personal privacy and live under a microscope of unreasonable public expectations. You can't take your kids for a walk without being attacked by paparazzi. Any fluctuation in weight becomes front page material. You can't do a little underage drinking, drop some Molly and drag race a $300,000 … Continue reading The pain and heartache of being a celebrity
You’re a bad parent. That’s okay. I am too. Nobody told you how to be anything different.
I have 2 kids. The first one was an accident. The second, I guess, could be equated to a double-or-nothing bet at a pool hall. You already owe the hustler all your money, so why not risk your car as well? The lies have changed in the past millennium. Originally, becoming a parent was a … Continue reading You’re a bad parent. That’s okay. I am too. Nobody told you how to be anything different.
My Christmas Failures and the 2009 Holiday Letter
I failed at a few things this Holiday season, including: Actually posting all of the historic Holiday Letters before Christmas. Assembling various children's gifts without swearing or drinking. Not calling an allen wrench 'you know, that weird hex wrench thing'. Actually having the right size allen wrench. Hey Schwinn, next time don't be assholes and include … Continue reading My Christmas Failures and the 2009 Holiday Letter
And He Says 