Look at how cute all these hamsters are in their wheels…..
They’re all f*cking adorable. But you know what’s not adorable? Hamster urine. You know what’s less than precious? When your daughter’s hamster decides to urinate while running in its wheel. You know what’s just a bit not super duper? When that urine, subject to the rotational force of the wheel, is ejected from the cage at high velocity in a 360 degree spray that covers everything.
Splattered across the wall.
Dripping down the bookshelf.
Crusted into the baseboard joint.
Dotting the carpet in all directions.
What the hell is wrong with you hamster? I’m not even going to use your name (it’s Theo by the way) because you don’t deserve to be anthropomorphized. No human I know would do that with their own urine. Except maybe Trump.
And He Says 
Sound like a political statement!
I have a strong anti-hamster platform.