A strange thing happens sometime between when you get married, have a kid, or turn 30. That strange thing is friends, family members, co-workers, the guy who picks up your trash and occasionally Barack Obama feel the need to send you a Holiday card. (Here’s a freebie for my more conservative friends…..you can modify the … Continue reading Holiday Letters Suck. How Ours Started.
This post is to make you feel like a bad parent and through that to make myself feel like a better parent. I hope it works.
Hi. You’ll enjoy this, so please read on. Check out these pictures of a hike I took with my kids today. The only reason I am publishing them in such a public forum is my clear desire to demonstrate how amazing a parent I am, and in so doing make you feel like a lesser … Continue reading This post is to make you feel like a bad parent and through that to make myself feel like a better parent. I hope it works.
The Universe Hates Me and I Know Why
It's not like I didn't test them BEFORE putting them on the tree. I did. I tested. I plugged them in and looked at them. They were all cute and bright and twinkly and f*cking working. Then I got on a step-ladder and placed them while needles poked my crotch and sap fell on my … Continue reading The Universe Hates Me and I Know Why
The Guilford Gobbler Gallup, Guzzle and Grunt
It was a historic if blustery and cold Thanksgiving today for the first ever Guilford Gobbler Gallup, Guzzle and Grunt charity race and after party. As a sister event to the Thimble Island Triathlon Series (TITs), the Gallup saw record attendance this year. Shoreline residents have their pick of Thanksgiving Day races, including the Madison Turkey … Continue reading The Guilford Gobbler Gallup, Guzzle and Grunt
My Disappointing Life – Thanks to Pottery Barn
It’s the time of year when Pottery Barn goes out of their way to make me feel bad about my life. All it takes is a little time on the can flipping through their holiday catalogue to remind me how much of a disappointment I am to my wife, children, parents, America and any number … Continue reading My Disappointing Life – Thanks to Pottery Barn
Things I Might Do If My Wife Died
There is a great scene in the movie ‘This is Forty’ about how we think about our spouses after the years add up. Watch the first bit… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCyXutUz9V4 Now don’t get me wrong….I’m not saying I want my wife to die. Never. Never. In the words of Louis CK, “Of course I don’t want that … Continue reading Things I Might Do If My Wife Died
Life Lessons from Halloween
All Hallows' Eve is just around the corner, so I’m looking forward to the time-honored traditions of under-performing on my decorations, burning the pumpkin seeds I so desperately want to come out perfect, and stealing candy from my children. Over the years I’ve learned a few important life lessons from Halloween, including: If you’re not … Continue reading Life Lessons from Halloween
My Brain Sucks.
An alternate title to this post might have been ‘Settle the fuck down’. Here is a 30 second transcript from my brain: I need to pay off that debt. I wonder if I’m going to get laid tonight. I should have studied harder in college. How does so-and-so afford that car? Why can’t I? Work … Continue reading My Brain Sucks.
Fidelity can blow me. An alternate plan for retirement.
The original title to this post was just ‘Fidelity can blow me’, but when I shared that with my wife she thought I meant relationship fidelity. That lead to quite a long discussion and what can only be called ‘over-sharing’ of feelings before we resolved to add the second sentence for clarity. Mind you, Fidelity … Continue reading Fidelity can blow me. An alternate plan for retirement.
Why don’t I ever get invited to the Swingers’ Club?
While I will admit to wearing a toga at a few parties, around the house on a Saturday, and occasionally while shopping for jellies and chutneys, I acknowledge that I am no Grecian beauty. This was made abundantly clear to me one day while I was standing with a friend on a street and a … Continue reading Why don’t I ever get invited to the Swingers’ Club?
And He Says 