I was reading Brian Greene’s The Elegant Universe last night…. You know, before we go on let’s spend a little time there. That book is about string theory, so in the first sentence of this post I’m pretty much laying it out there that I’m a better person than you are. While you get drunk … Continue reading The Horror of Perception
I got ‘Asshole’, how about you?
Lately, my Facebook feed has been overrun with postings about people completing surveys to determine what state of the union, what Golden Girl, or what 80s band they are. I got ‘Dorothy’, how about you? So I decided to add my own survey to the mix so, in addition to knowing you most closely match … Continue reading I got ‘Asshole’, how about you?
Nothing makes me want a sandwich more…
...than thinking about why the lobster I will be eating in my sub roll is also part octopus or maybe giant squid or perhaps a kraken. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SqC_m3yUDU I imagine this is a lobster from near Fukushima. WTF D'Angelo?
Another Guarantee in Life
There have historically been two guarantees in life: 1) Death 2) Taxes More explicitly from Benjamin Franklin, who apparently stole it from Daniel Defoe (but that conclusion is based on zero confirmation web search, I just went with what I first found because I'm lazy) "'In this world nothing can be said to be certain, … Continue reading Another Guarantee in Life
The pain and heartache of being a celebrity
Being a celebrity isn't easy. You have no personal privacy and live under a microscope of unreasonable public expectations. You can't take your kids for a walk without being attacked by paparazzi. Any fluctuation in weight becomes front page material. You can't do a little underage drinking, drop some Molly and drag race a $300,000 … Continue reading The pain and heartache of being a celebrity
You’re a bad parent. That’s okay. I am too. Nobody told you how to be anything different.
I have 2 kids. The first one was an accident. The second, I guess, could be equated to a double-or-nothing bet at a pool hall. You already owe the hustler all your money, so why not risk your car as well? The lies have changed in the past millennium. Originally, becoming a parent was a … Continue reading You’re a bad parent. That’s okay. I am too. Nobody told you how to be anything different.
My Christmas Failures and the 2009 Holiday Letter
I failed at a few things this Holiday season, including: Actually posting all of the historic Holiday Letters before Christmas. Assembling various children's gifts without swearing or drinking. Not calling an allen wrench 'you know, that weird hex wrench thing'. Actually having the right size allen wrench. Hey Schwinn, next time don't be assholes and include … Continue reading My Christmas Failures and the 2009 Holiday Letter
Brooks Post Year Re-cap Letter – 2008
At this point we're just going to run out of time before December 25, but on the upside we haven't sent our 2013 letters yet, so get used to disappointment. For those just checking in, 2005, 2006, and 2007 are available. I am noticing the problem with putting these all together is some thematic consistency … Continue reading Brooks Post Year Re-cap Letter – 2008
Holiday Letter 2007
We've only got 9 days to get through the rest of these, so they're coming fast and furious now. If you haven't read 2005 or 2006, do so. Or don't. Like I care. Holiday Letter 2007 Dear Friends, Family, Loved Ones, People We Cherish, People We Don’t Mind, and Sister Penny, If there is one word … Continue reading Holiday Letter 2007
Holiday Letter 2006 – The one where I call Erin fat…
For those of you who didn't get the back story, read the origin tale here. Without wasting more of your precious eyeball energy, here is the 2006 letter. It is unedited, which is to my shame. It is also inclusive of the phrase 'puppy-mouse', which is to my pride. You'll have to do without the … Continue reading Holiday Letter 2006 – The one where I call Erin fat…
And He Says 