We've only got 9 days to get through the rest of these, so they're coming fast and furious now. If you haven't read 2005 or 2006, do so. Or don't. Like I care. Holiday Letter 2007 Dear Friends, Family, Loved Ones, People We Cherish, People We Don’t Mind, and Sister Penny, If there is one word … Continue reading Holiday Letter 2007
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Holiday Letter 2006 – The one where I call Erin fat…
For those of you who didn't get the back story, read the origin tale here. Without wasting more of your precious eyeball energy, here is the 2006 letter. It is unedited, which is to my shame. It is also inclusive of the phrase 'puppy-mouse', which is to my pride. You'll have to do without the … Continue reading Holiday Letter 2006 – The one where I call Erin fat…
Holiday Letters Suck. How Ours Started.
A strange thing happens sometime between when you get married, have a kid, or turn 30. That strange thing is friends, family members, co-workers, the guy who picks up your trash and occasionally Barack Obama feel the need to send you a Holiday card. (Here’s a freebie for my more conservative friends…..you can modify the … Continue reading Holiday Letters Suck. How Ours Started.
This post is to make you feel like a bad parent and through that to make myself feel like a better parent. I hope it works.
Hi. You’ll enjoy this, so please read on. Check out these pictures of a hike I took with my kids today. The only reason I am publishing them in such a public forum is my clear desire to demonstrate how amazing a parent I am, and in so doing make you feel like a lesser … Continue reading This post is to make you feel like a bad parent and through that to make myself feel like a better parent. I hope it works.
The Universe Hates Me and I Know Why
It's not like I didn't test them BEFORE putting them on the tree. I did. I tested. I plugged them in and looked at them. They were all cute and bright and twinkly and f*cking working. Then I got on a step-ladder and placed them while needles poked my crotch and sap fell on my … Continue reading The Universe Hates Me and I Know Why
My Disappointing Life – Thanks to Pottery Barn
It’s the time of year when Pottery Barn goes out of their way to make me feel bad about my life. All it takes is a little time on the can flipping through their holiday catalogue to remind me how much of a disappointment I am to my wife, children, parents, America and any number … Continue reading My Disappointing Life – Thanks to Pottery Barn
Things I Might Do If My Wife Died
There is a great scene in the movie ‘This is Forty’ about how we think about our spouses after the years add up. Watch the first bit… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCyXutUz9V4 Now don’t get me wrong….I’m not saying I want my wife to die. Never. Never. In the words of Louis CK, “Of course I don’t want that … Continue reading Things I Might Do If My Wife Died
Life Lessons from Halloween
All Hallows' Eve is just around the corner, so I’m looking forward to the time-honored traditions of under-performing on my decorations, burning the pumpkin seeds I so desperately want to come out perfect, and stealing candy from my children. Over the years I’ve learned a few important life lessons from Halloween, including: If you’re not … Continue reading Life Lessons from Halloween
My Brain Sucks.
An alternate title to this post might have been ‘Settle the fuck down’. Here is a 30 second transcript from my brain: I need to pay off that debt. I wonder if I’m going to get laid tonight. I should have studied harder in college. How does so-and-so afford that car? Why can’t I? Work … Continue reading My Brain Sucks.
Fidelity can blow me. An alternate plan for retirement.
The original title to this post was just ‘Fidelity can blow me’, but when I shared that with my wife she thought I meant relationship fidelity. That lead to quite a long discussion and what can only be called ‘over-sharing’ of feelings before we resolved to add the second sentence for clarity. Mind you, Fidelity … Continue reading Fidelity can blow me. An alternate plan for retirement.
And He Says 